An Indiana veteran’s obituary is going viral for its hilariously honest portrayal of the 71-year-old beer-lover who hoarded Miracle Whip and understood the true value of “The Blues Brothers.”
Terry Wayne Ward “escaped this mortal realm” last Tuesday, “leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse,” his obit began.
That first line was all it took for Ward to gain a slew of social media admirers, even after his death.
The obituary was written by Ward’s daughter, Jean Lahm, according to the Chicago Tribune. She began writing the death notice after her father died of a massive stroke last week, hoping to capture what she said was Ward’s infectious love of humor.
Ward, a South Holland, Illinois, native who lived in DeMotte, Indiana, is survived by his “overly patient and accepting wife Kathy, who was the love of his life.”
The couple was married for 48 years and met after he told her he was a lineman.
“He didn’t specify early on that he was a lineman for the phone company, not the NFL,” the obit read. “Still, Kathy and Terry wed in the fall of 1969, perfectly between the Summer of Love and the Winter of Regret.”
Ward, who served in the Army in Vietnam, also had two daughters, including Lahm, and seven grandchildren.
Lahm painted her father as a blue collar, everyday working man with a real funny bone.
“He retired from AT&T (formerly Ameritech, formerly formerly Indiana Bell) after 39 years of begrudging service, where he accumulated roughly 3,000 rolls of black electrical tape during the course of his career (which he used for everything from open wounds to “Don’t use this button” covers),” the obit read.
Among some of his favorite things were the Chicago White Sox, Bed Bath & Beyond, free beer, ABBA and the History Channel, Lahm wrote.
“He despised ‘uppity foods’ like hummus, which his family lovingly called ‘bean dip’ for his benefit, which he loved consequently,” the obit read. “He couldn’t give a damn about most material things, and automobiles were never to be purchased new. He never owned a personal cell phone and he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians.”
According to the obituary, Ward “died knowing that The Blues Brothers was the best movie ever, (young) Clint Eastwood was the baddest-a** man on the planet, and hot sauce can be added to absolutely any food.”
The obituary was posted to the Geisen Funeral Homes website.
Family members urged donations to be made to charity or “your favorite watering hole, where you are instructed to tie a few on and tell a few stories of the great Terry Ward.”
